TSA = T$A

At TSAFail, any story of security breaches, unscreened luggage, missed threats, evacuated airports, theft, assault, general dim-wittedness and a bad attitude would not surprise us. We have come to expect that- in fact it is why you are here reading this today.
But the thought of cash bonuses for TSA staff?
Never. Would. Have. Occured.
Oh TSA. How you keep surprising us.
Do read the Full Story below for the paragraph that outlines the $95.8M the TSA paid it's staff in bonuses last year. On average that is $2000 per TSA employee. Another way to look at it is as if each of the 735M air passengers last year each chipped in $0.13 per person, per flight.
Do we need to even mention the state of the economy last year? It makes us pine for the days that the most ineffectual government employees could botch the most important crisis of the day and get a 'Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job'. Pats on the back are free.
What could be next? Tip jars at airport security lines?

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Rhode Island Wants to be a Top 10 Airport

Poor T.F. Green State Airport and it's TSA team. They are only the 62nd biggest airport in the nation, just behind Anchorage. But, they have dreams. Big dreams. But how is such a small airport to make a big name for itself if not through number of passengers?
The TSA at PVD airport (T.F. Green = PVD????) is now following in the footsteps of top 10 airports like HOU, LAX, LAX again, HOU again, PHX and EWR. As we learn in the Full Story below PVD TSA screeners are breaking into the big time by losing a passenger at a security checkpoint and then shutting down the airport to look for them. The PVD TSA is thorough- they also brought all planes on the tarmac back to the airport to rescreen all of those passengers too.
It is the 7th month of the year and this is the 7th such TSA caused shutdown of an airport. Odds of a similar breach occurring in August appear to be slightly better than the sun rising tomorrow.

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We're Back (and we brought a summary)!

Once in a while at TSAFail, we like to take some time off- for instance, all of June.
So what did we miss? Or what did the TSA miss? Or more importantly, did you miss us?
Let's see what TSAFailed in the June that was:
The TSA finally got a new leader- John Pistole. According to the Full Story below, it seems that his biggest concern is unionizing or not unionizing the TSA's labor force. Obviously, all other problems the TSA may have faced, were solved in the last 17 months with nothing other than an interim director running the organization.
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One of these problems is not being able to meet the recommendations of the 9/11 commission, 5 years on, and screen 100% of the cargo that goes into the belly of an airplane. The TSA may take away your snow globe and toothpaste. They may shut down a terminal for hours because some screener missed some passenger packing a bottle of wine, but rest assured traveling public- it is all in the name of security. However, that unscreened palette of cargo in the hold of the airplane whose passengers have been stripped of their snow globes and toothpaste does seem to add the word 'theatre' to the end of the previous sentence.
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In fairness though, screening all cargo that goes onto an airplane would be expensive. Much more expensive than the TSA's $7B budget would allow. Perhaps that is why the TSA made a bit of extra money by overcharging the airlines for security fees. $119M extra. Considering that the TSA only stole or damaged $343k worth of passenger property in 2009, we should all count ourselves lucky that we aren't traveling under the name 'Southwest'.
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One does wonder though if that $343k value of stolen goods includes items that are stolen, but recovered. Items such as the Oxycontin pills that a screener at Little Rock National Airport decided to remove from a passengers luggage and 'conceal'. Would someone please explain to the TSA screeners that a security checkpoint is not a tollbooth? TSA theft and drugs in one story, good job LIT TSA on showing us the best of the best of the best, Arkansas style.
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Philadelphia International Airport is one of our favorites at TSAFail. Their madcap screenings of disabled 4 year olds, people with suspicious phrase books and complete misunderstanding of the point of a canine team has always brought innovation and raised the bar for TSAFails everywhere. PHL did it again in June and anecdotally stepped up their level of passenger harassment. We say anecdotally since there is no actual proof that the PHL TSA is using Caged Heat as a screener training video.
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Last but not least, won't someone please think of the children? The TSA does and made the traveling experience of one lucky 6 year old girl extra special last June, by ensuring that she was on a no-fly list. The Full Story below quotes the TSA as saying that the girl being on the no-fly list is probably a result of the 'secure flight program' coming fully online in June. Sounds good so long as you don't read the TSA's own blog on the secure flight program and to try to understand that explanation:

"...and I'm happy to announce that TSA is now performing 100% of the watchlist matching for domestic flights. (Airlines used to conduct all of the passenger watchlist matching)...Secure Flight will help prevent the misidentification of passengers who have names similar to actual people on the government watchlists..."

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That was June. John Pistole- welcome aboard!

TSA Starts a Shopping Club

The Norfolk International Airport TSA has started a members only shopping club. Just like Costco, there is membership card- called a security ID badge. Just like a wearing a wife beater to Walmart, there is a uniform- blue shirts and badges. And just like a big box store, the ORF TSA has a retail outlet- called the airport. Unlike any other big box shopping club though, you don't have go and retrieve your own items. Personal shoppers- called 'passengers' bring the merchandise to you. Granted most of it is crap- hairdryers, magazines, clothes not in your size, etc. But every once in a while a real gem comes by. When you belong to the Norfolk International Airport TSA shopping club and a personal shopper/passenger brings you something you want- such as a $24,000 Rolex- just take it.
As the Full Story below describes- membership has it's privileges.
No, not really. We here at TSAFail made that part up. Not the part about the ORF TSA taking a $24,000 Rolex, just the part about a shopping club. There is no club... just more theft by the TSA's best of the best of the best.
Considering that the starting salary for a TSA screener is $23,400, it is probably safe to assume that any screener wearing a $24,000 watch has joined the TSA shopping club.

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Phantom Bag Causes Sacramento Shut Down- Jenkies!

A passengers bag at the Sacramento International Airport triggered a screening alarm and was never seen again- oooo spooky. The SMF TSA looked everywhere, delayed 5 flights and basically shut down a terminal for a couple of hours looking for the phantom bag. TSA Officers Fred, Daphne and Velma went looking for the ghost bag in Terminal A. Meanwhile TSA sniffer dog team Shaggy and Scooby rescreened baggage in hopes that the dangerous suitcase specter could be found.
It wasn't. Maybe it was a false alarm... maybe it was real and made it onto a plane without being found. No one knows- oooooo spookier!
If Scooby and his gang were real and had been helping the SMF TSA find the bag, you can be sure it would have turned up. Alternately, if the TSA were a real security organization, the bag likely wouldn't have been lost in the first place.

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EWR TSA Security Screening like a Roach Motel for Passenger Valuables

Oh TSA HR- once again you have left the mensa debate team short a member, as you continue to hire the best of the best of the best. Today's TSA criminal is courtesy of the Newark International Airport. Stealing from little old ladies is bad enough, claiming that you 'found' the stolen goods is just plain dumb. Doing it while being recorded on video is absolutely, positively... something one would expect from the TSA.
EWR TSA screening... valuables check in... they don't check out.

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TSA- Not Hooked on Phonics

Someone needs to help the LGA TSA with their reading skills. What other reason could there be for the TSA officer in the Full Story below to not notice that a passengers name on their passport, didn't match their boarding pass?
Unless... the screener at LaGuardia was too busy watching Reading Rainbow to notice a passenger without a valid boarding pass.
Of course, this was all resolved once everyone was already on the plane.

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Bullets Got Through A Checkpoint? Don't Worry the TSA has Tivo

How to you get bullets onto an airplane? Easy, go through the Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma. In the Full Story below we learn of a passenger who accidentally did just that. The ever vigilant TSA Officers manning the x-ray machine at OKC didn't notice the clip of bullets going by on their screens. The supervisor reviewing the recorded xray images 30 minutes later, did. Three flights that the bullets might have ended up on were tracked down and searched upon landing... as this clearly wasn't a problem until the planes were back on the ground. No word if the supervisor could have found the bullets in the recorded images in 22 minutes if he fast forwarded through the commercials.

That's a lot of TSAFail, but today is a twofer. A TSA spokesperson at the end of the Full Story below reminds passengers to carefully check their bags before heading to the airport. The TSA intercepted 14 passengers who accidentally brought guns to the nations airports last week alone. Anyone care to guess how many others went through undetected?
For the TSA, preventing prohibited items from getting onto an airplane involves passengers not bringing prohibited items onto an airplane.

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Is Eight Really Enough? When It's TSAFails, Yes- Yes It Is

How is the general screening process conducted by the TSA working out? According to the Full Story below- not very well. The TSA's parent organization, (Dept of Homeland Security- DHS) sent their own inspectors to 8 of the 16 airports that had, at the time of the audit, received the new advanced imaging technology systems (full body scanners are one example).
Checkpoint vulnerabilities were found at all 8.
Not terribly surprising really. Could the failures have been passengers lost on their way to secondary screening? Prohibited items missed during screening? TSA Officers who step away from their post? Sniffer dog handlers who don't know how to handle their dog? Public relations skills of TSA officers that make Rainman look well adjusted?
We'll never know what the specific fails in the report cited in the Full Story below are because they are being smartly kept secret. But they surely must read like a greatest hits version of TSAFail. The inspector generals recommendations are also being kept secret. We can only speculate that the results of this audit are:
1) smarten up
2) get your shit together
3) get your shit together
4) get your shit together
5) get your.... ... ..

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Applesauce Slapfight- With Video!!!

Thursday night fun at the roadhouse? No, just the Burbank TSA.
A woman and her 93 year old mother tried to take food through the TSA checkpoint at the Bob Hope Airport. As one would expect, anyone who thinks that they are going to get a cooler of applesauce and cottage cheese past the BUR TSA, is the type of person to get themselves a bit worked up- impolitely so.
So how do the professional men and woman of the TSA deal with the situation? Talk her down? Professionally impose authority? Nope- as we can see in the Full Story below (video on the upper right of the page), by trying to snatch her cooler away while two other agents stand by watching. Eventually they get around to handcuffing and arresting her for misdemeanor battery. What other organization that deals face to face, one on one with the public on a daily basis could take an apparently stressed person and start something worthy of a elementary school playground fight.
A playground fight that ends in a trial. Expect the prosecution for the TSA to cite as precedent 'I know you are but what am I?'.

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Houston Hobby? Oh Come On!!

The TSA just doesn't seem to understand that a good comedy bit can be overworked. Oh sure there are classics out there- pie in the face, slipping on a banana peel or unexpected hit to the crotch. But pulling someone aside for additional screening, losing them, declaring a security breach and delaying passengers and planes has jumped the shark.
It's like a knock knock joke... told by a 6 year old... for an entire day.
This time it is the highly qualified men and women of the Houston Hobby TSA who lost their man. Other than that the story is pretty much sixth verse same as the first. Or, in this case, sixth verse same as the third, since it was only back in late February that HOU TSAFailed in the exact same way.
All of us at TSAFail are tempted to create a spin off blog just to cover this increasingly stinky joke. Unfortunately, TSAlostapersonforsecondaryscreeningandshutdownanairport-again.blogspot.com doesn't have the same cachet.
In case you missed the previous five incidents from this year that we have covered, please see: LAX,LAX, HOU,PHX, EWR. As always, the details of todays TSAFail are in the Full Story below:

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Deja Vu is the Uncanny Sense of Having Experienced Deja Vu Before

This weeks story of the TSA losing a passenger whose luggage required additional screening comes from LAX- again.
Blah Blah Blah- security breach...
Yadda Yadda Yadda- passenger and flight delays...
It has been less than a month since the last such incident at Los Angeles International and one has to wonder what TSA spokesperson Suzanne Trevino means in the Full Story below when she states "Had all of our procedures been followed this morning, we would not have had to call for a security breach.". What procedures could she be referring too that allow the same thing to happen twice in less than a month at one airport and previously at EWR, PHX, HOU since February.
A Senate Joint Economic Committee determined in 2008 that flights delayed for any reason cost $40B in 2007. That money was partly airline costs, partly extra jet fuel for idling planes, partly extra manpower... no word on whether it included the cost of all the eggs that the TSA needs to continuously apply to its own face.

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TSA Demonstrates What Will Happen if they Ever Catch Up With Dora the Explorer

In the Full Story below, we see video of how the Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport TSA brings the adult size fail to a whole new generation of child travelers. Glad to hear that James Marchand, TSA Regional Director, thinks that the CHA TSA team could use some sensitivity training. Surely by 'sensitivity', he actually meant 'common sense'.
Even though Mr. Roger's had no problem taking his shoes off... it is now clear to see why he preferred traveling by trolley.

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Has It Really Been Three Weeks Without a Security Breach?

Avid readers of TSAFail may remember the string of security breaches at the end of February caused by the TSA losing a passenger selected for secondary screening. First there was EWR, followed by PHX, then HOU had to join the club. We also threw in a blast from the past with DFW covering the Failback Position and reminding us how the TSA would lose flagged passengers- 2003 style.
Well, it happened again. This time it's the LAX TSA in the Full Story below selecting a passenger for additional screening and losing them along the way.
Why oh why does this keep happening? How can so many people keep showing up at airports, require more than average scrutiny and then just go missing like potentially dangerous versions of milk carton kids? If only there was a band of people who could prevent this sort of thing. Maybe an organization, with a team stationed in every airport who could ensure that... oh wait.
Nevermind.

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TSA Secretly Hates the TSA

Or at least at the Tampa International Airport they do. The Full Story below describes managers threatening staff with federal treason charges for talking to the media, TSA officers describing the TPA airport security system as 3 card monte and it wouldn't be a TSAFail story without hundreds of bags flagged for hand screening that get loaded onto airplanes without any additional screening- daily. The whole situation at Tampa International sounds a bit like Captain Bligh in charge of the 3 Stooges. In other words, business as usual.
For extra fun, do read the Full Story through to the end. It is in the last paragraph that the questionable writing style drops into full bizarro world speak.

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Failback Position: DFW Shows that Lemmings Have Been Around A Long Time

It's time again to go back for seconds from the endless buffet of TSA failures that we here at TSAFail call the Failback Position. Today's morsel comes, once again, from 2003- this time courtesy of the fine TSA Officers at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport. The flavor should be familiar to anyone who has read the last three posts. Screener flags passenger for secondary screening... screener loses passenger... terminal evacuated. It's just like boy meets girl, boy loses girl- except with thousands inconvenienced.
The DFW TSA screeners in the Full Story below, were clearly on the cutting edge of a trend that has continued strong to this day. It turns out that nationwide between 2002 and 2004, this particular fail occurred over 30 times. At what point does the pile of lemmings at the bottom of the cliff cushion the fall of those above?

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Houston TSA Proves that Lemmings Travel in Groups of 3

It has been 7 days and 3 secondary security breaches resulting in a closed airport terminal. This time it's the Houston Hobby TSA team trying to keep up the average and losing their man in the process. Good job ladies and gentlemen at HOU. Here at TSAFail, we know that it requires diligent teamwork between screeners and secondary screeners to let 3 people slip by in a week. That kind of coordinated effort surely can't come without some serious training and well laid out policies and procedures coming straight from the chief of the organization himself. All of this is even more impressive when one considers that the TSA hasn't had a chief for over a year.
Here at TSAFail, we believe that the TSA won't rest in their mission until they are losing flagged passengers and shutting down airports daily.

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Phoenix Plays Second Lemming to Newark's Lead

Two in a week... how many before this can be considered a trend, a style, an MO? Not content to let the TSA officers at Newark International have all the fun losing a passenger between primary and secondary screening, the PHX TSA team decides to give it a try too. This is more or less equivalent to a first base coach not noticing that the batter has run into the dugout instead of heading for first. The Phoenix Sky Harbor TSA team differ from Newark in that they found their misplaced passenger, but they can surely share the same sense of fail.

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The Difference Between Newark TSA and a Sommelier...

A sommelier never loses track of a bottle of wine.
The crack TSA team at EWR come through again. What appears to be wine bottles requires secondary screening, but only if the unescorted passenger goes to the screening themselves. Otherwise the TSA loses track of the passenger,the wine and shuts down part of the airport for a while. One has to figure that instead of a security alarm, the Newark International TSA team just plays Yakety-Sax over the PA system.

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Philadelphia TSA Keeping the Skies Safe From Disabled 4 Year Old

This is a fail that comes from being completely unencumbered by common sense, which will likely get the Philadelphia TSA thrashed by Jerry Lewis the next time he is in town. The Philadelphia TSA not only has the backflip of fail in the event itself, but they add in a half twist of additional fail by suggesting in the apology to the family, that the child in leg braces should have been sent to a private screening area to test for explosives. Truly a gymnastic TSAFail.

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