TSA Accidently Hires Danny Ocean

It's the TSA's best of the best of the best at it again. Per the Full Story below a SeaTac TSA agent has admitted to lifting $20k worth of passengers jewelry from their luggage.
Just like Ocean's Eleven!
Except, probably without the George Clooney looks, or the cleverly orchestrated heist plan, or the highly trained team of accomplices, or the high tech gadgetry, or the casino setting.
Ok... so it's more like the guy who steals your hubcaps while you are stopped at a traffic light- only he's employed by the government.

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EWR TSA Has a Lost & Found?

Who knew? If only the TSA's lost & found wasn't run by the TSA, people might have a chance of being reunited with their property. Like so many other things that the TSA is responsible for, they can only deliver on half of the mandate implied by 'lost & found'. In the Full Story below, we learn of a TSA employee working in the office serving Newark International. Another fine example of the TSA's best of the best of the best, this employee has been arrested for stealing a laptop from the lost and found and trying to sell it.
Lost & what was the other part of that again?

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We're Back (and we brought a summary)!

Once in a while at TSAFail, we like to take some time off- for instance, all of June.
So what did we miss? Or what did the TSA miss? Or more importantly, did you miss us?
Let's see what TSAFailed in the June that was:
The TSA finally got a new leader- John Pistole. According to the Full Story below, it seems that his biggest concern is unionizing or not unionizing the TSA's labor force. Obviously, all other problems the TSA may have faced, were solved in the last 17 months with nothing other than an interim director running the organization.
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One of these problems is not being able to meet the recommendations of the 9/11 commission, 5 years on, and screen 100% of the cargo that goes into the belly of an airplane. The TSA may take away your snow globe and toothpaste. They may shut down a terminal for hours because some screener missed some passenger packing a bottle of wine, but rest assured traveling public- it is all in the name of security. However, that unscreened palette of cargo in the hold of the airplane whose passengers have been stripped of their snow globes and toothpaste does seem to add the word 'theatre' to the end of the previous sentence.
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In fairness though, screening all cargo that goes onto an airplane would be expensive. Much more expensive than the TSA's $7B budget would allow. Perhaps that is why the TSA made a bit of extra money by overcharging the airlines for security fees. $119M extra. Considering that the TSA only stole or damaged $343k worth of passenger property in 2009, we should all count ourselves lucky that we aren't traveling under the name 'Southwest'.
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One does wonder though if that $343k value of stolen goods includes items that are stolen, but recovered. Items such as the Oxycontin pills that a screener at Little Rock National Airport decided to remove from a passengers luggage and 'conceal'. Would someone please explain to the TSA screeners that a security checkpoint is not a tollbooth? TSA theft and drugs in one story, good job LIT TSA on showing us the best of the best of the best, Arkansas style.
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Philadelphia International Airport is one of our favorites at TSAFail. Their madcap screenings of disabled 4 year olds, people with suspicious phrase books and complete misunderstanding of the point of a canine team has always brought innovation and raised the bar for TSAFails everywhere. PHL did it again in June and anecdotally stepped up their level of passenger harassment. We say anecdotally since there is no actual proof that the PHL TSA is using Caged Heat as a screener training video.
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Last but not least, won't someone please think of the children? The TSA does and made the traveling experience of one lucky 6 year old girl extra special last June, by ensuring that she was on a no-fly list. The Full Story below quotes the TSA as saying that the girl being on the no-fly list is probably a result of the 'secure flight program' coming fully online in June. Sounds good so long as you don't read the TSA's own blog on the secure flight program and to try to understand that explanation:

"...and I'm happy to announce that TSA is now performing 100% of the watchlist matching for domestic flights. (Airlines used to conduct all of the passenger watchlist matching)...Secure Flight will help prevent the misidentification of passengers who have names similar to actual people on the government watchlists..."

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That was June. John Pistole- welcome aboard!

TSA Starts a Shopping Club

The Norfolk International Airport TSA has started a members only shopping club. Just like Costco, there is membership card- called a security ID badge. Just like a wearing a wife beater to Walmart, there is a uniform- blue shirts and badges. And just like a big box store, the ORF TSA has a retail outlet- called the airport. Unlike any other big box shopping club though, you don't have go and retrieve your own items. Personal shoppers- called 'passengers' bring the merchandise to you. Granted most of it is crap- hairdryers, magazines, clothes not in your size, etc. But every once in a while a real gem comes by. When you belong to the Norfolk International Airport TSA shopping club and a personal shopper/passenger brings you something you want- such as a $24,000 Rolex- just take it.
As the Full Story below describes- membership has it's privileges.
No, not really. We here at TSAFail made that part up. Not the part about the ORF TSA taking a $24,000 Rolex, just the part about a shopping club. There is no club... just more theft by the TSA's best of the best of the best.
Considering that the starting salary for a TSA screener is $23,400, it is probably safe to assume that any screener wearing a $24,000 watch has joined the TSA shopping club.

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EWR TSA Security Screening like a Roach Motel for Passenger Valuables

Oh TSA HR- once again you have left the mensa debate team short a member, as you continue to hire the best of the best of the best. Today's TSA criminal is courtesy of the Newark International Airport. Stealing from little old ladies is bad enough, claiming that you 'found' the stolen goods is just plain dumb. Doing it while being recorded on video is absolutely, positively... something one would expect from the TSA.
EWR TSA screening... valuables check in... they don't check out.

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Bullets Got Through A Checkpoint? Don't Worry the TSA has Tivo

How to you get bullets onto an airplane? Easy, go through the Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma. In the Full Story below we learn of a passenger who accidentally did just that. The ever vigilant TSA Officers manning the x-ray machine at OKC didn't notice the clip of bullets going by on their screens. The supervisor reviewing the recorded xray images 30 minutes later, did. Three flights that the bullets might have ended up on were tracked down and searched upon landing... as this clearly wasn't a problem until the planes were back on the ground. No word if the supervisor could have found the bullets in the recorded images in 22 minutes if he fast forwarded through the commercials.

That's a lot of TSAFail, but today is a twofer. A TSA spokesperson at the end of the Full Story below reminds passengers to carefully check their bags before heading to the airport. The TSA intercepted 14 passengers who accidentally brought guns to the nations airports last week alone. Anyone care to guess how many others went through undetected?
For the TSA, preventing prohibited items from getting onto an airplane involves passengers not bringing prohibited items onto an airplane.

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'Cause When You Work for the TSA- Free Pizza is a Perk!

Oh, TSA HR department, where do you keep finding the best of the best of the best?
Today at TSAFail, we bring you another TSA Officer doing something they will be arrested for. This time, it is a TSA Officer from the Wayne County Airport in Detroit. Good job DTW TSA, that's two staff members arrested in less than a month.
The Full Story below has a Detroit TSA Officer and her boyfriend rolling into a Mobile station to purchase (more?) alcohol. A TSA badge is flashed in lieu of payment for pizza, punches are thrown and a getaway is made. Or would be made if the TSA Officer hadn't paid for the alcohol with her credit card.
This truly has to be a new low in the TSA's 'illegal hobbies outside of work'. This makes the air marshal raping an escort look well thought out or... it makes the TSA's burger joint bandit look like Danny Ocean.

Did we mention that there is video? No? There is video.

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How to Spot a TSA Air Marshal...

Badge- check.
Gun- check.
Shaved genitals- ummm... check??
Raping an escort- What?!!
It's the TSA's best of the best of the best hard at work again. The mind boggles just contemplating the sort of tests the TSA actually conducts on fresh hires who are given guns and badges and put on airplanes to protect the flying public. It is clear from the Full Story below that this air marshal, staying in a hotel outside of SeaTac, had some sort of training. He claims to have known enough not to use a firearm after drinking alcohol. Although the coercion, rape and theft are all clearly ok.
The TSA has fired this particular air marshal, which obviously leaves a vacancy in the program.
No word yet on whether the TSA plans to fill the vacancy with the ShamWow spokesman.

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When You Work for the TSA- It's What You Crave

If you are thinking White Castle, you are half right. If you are thinking airport screening by day and robbing White Castle by night, then award yourself a full point. Once again the crack HR department of the TSA has found the best of the best of the best to keep the traveling public safe. It isn't yet clear which airport the fast food bandit is stationed at, although DFW seems likely. After being arrested for knocking over a White Castle, a McDonalds and being a suspect in 5 other holdups, the TSA notes (in the Full Story below) that "The individual has been removed from screening passengers and property". Good to know, since his sitting in a holding cell would otherwise lead to a conspicuous absense at a security checkpoint
For extra fun, take a look at the mugshots of the suspect and his accomplices in the Full Story below and see if you can guess which one is the TSA Officer. If you picked the guy striking the gangsta pose, award yourself another point.

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