EWR TSA- "That's Not a Knife..."

Has the Newark International Airport hired Crocodile Dundee as a screener? What reason, other than a gross misconception regarding what size of blade qualifies as a knife, could explain how a serrated folding knife went through an airport checkpoint unnoticed? Do read the Full Story below to see TSA spokesperson Ann Davis describe how the TSA screener who missed the knife will receive remedial training.
Remedial?
If a TSA screener is missing knives that go through their checkpoint, they don't need remedial training they need training. This is what happens when the qualifications for being a TSA screener consist of 'must like pizza'. The Full Story below also notes how on the same day as the knife incident at Newark Liberty, TSA officers detected and removed a smoke bomb from a passenger's luggage. A 5" long smokebomb in the shape of a stick of dynamite with 'mammoth smoke' written on the side of it in brightly colored letters.
Next time Wile E. Coyote should just pack a knife.

Full Story

TSA Accidently Hires Danny Ocean

It's the TSA's best of the best of the best at it again. Per the Full Story below a SeaTac TSA agent has admitted to lifting $20k worth of passengers jewelry from their luggage.
Just like Ocean's Eleven!
Except, probably without the George Clooney looks, or the cleverly orchestrated heist plan, or the highly trained team of accomplices, or the high tech gadgetry, or the casino setting.
Ok... so it's more like the guy who steals your hubcaps while you are stopped at a traffic light- only he's employed by the government.

Full Story

TSA = T$A

At TSAFail, any story of security breaches, unscreened luggage, missed threats, evacuated airports, theft, assault, general dim-wittedness and a bad attitude would not surprise us. We have come to expect that- in fact it is why you are here reading this today.
But the thought of cash bonuses for TSA staff?
Never. Would. Have. Occured.
Oh TSA. How you keep surprising us.
Do read the Full Story below for the paragraph that outlines the $95.8M the TSA paid it's staff in bonuses last year. On average that is $2000 per TSA employee. Another way to look at it is as if each of the 735M air passengers last year each chipped in $0.13 per person, per flight.
Do we need to even mention the state of the economy last year? It makes us pine for the days that the most ineffectual government employees could botch the most important crisis of the day and get a 'Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job'. Pats on the back are free.
What could be next? Tip jars at airport security lines?

Full Story

Rhode Island Wants to be a Top 10 Airport

Poor T.F. Green State Airport and it's TSA team. They are only the 62nd biggest airport in the nation, just behind Anchorage. But, they have dreams. Big dreams. But how is such a small airport to make a big name for itself if not through number of passengers?
The TSA at PVD airport (T.F. Green = PVD????) is now following in the footsteps of top 10 airports like HOU, LAX, LAX again, HOU again, PHX and EWR. As we learn in the Full Story below PVD TSA screeners are breaking into the big time by losing a passenger at a security checkpoint and then shutting down the airport to look for them. The PVD TSA is thorough- they also brought all planes on the tarmac back to the airport to rescreen all of those passengers too.
It is the 7th month of the year and this is the 7th such TSA caused shutdown of an airport. Odds of a similar breach occurring in August appear to be slightly better than the sun rising tomorrow.

Full Story

TSA Brings New Meaning to '30 mins or it's free'

At TSAFail, we have often wondered where the TSA continues to find and recruit its staff- a group we like to call the best of the best of the best. Based on the amount of theft in the system, we always assumed that it was outside of a parole office or as part of a court ordered community service program. In the Full Story below, we find pictures of the top quality recruitment program that Regan National Airport and Washington Dulles use to reach out to potential new Transportation Security Officers.
Just remember recruits... if there is more than 3oz of sauce on that pie, you can't take it to work with you.

Full Story

EWR TSA Has a Lost & Found?

Who knew? If only the TSA's lost & found wasn't run by the TSA, people might have a chance of being reunited with their property. Like so many other things that the TSA is responsible for, they can only deliver on half of the mandate implied by 'lost & found'. In the Full Story below, we learn of a TSA employee working in the office serving Newark International. Another fine example of the TSA's best of the best of the best, this employee has been arrested for stealing a laptop from the lost and found and trying to sell it.
Lost & what was the other part of that again?

Full Story

We're Back (and we brought a summary)!

Once in a while at TSAFail, we like to take some time off- for instance, all of June.
So what did we miss? Or what did the TSA miss? Or more importantly, did you miss us?
Let's see what TSAFailed in the June that was:
The TSA finally got a new leader- John Pistole. According to the Full Story below, it seems that his biggest concern is unionizing or not unionizing the TSA's labor force. Obviously, all other problems the TSA may have faced, were solved in the last 17 months with nothing other than an interim director running the organization.
Full Story

One of these problems is not being able to meet the recommendations of the 9/11 commission, 5 years on, and screen 100% of the cargo that goes into the belly of an airplane. The TSA may take away your snow globe and toothpaste. They may shut down a terminal for hours because some screener missed some passenger packing a bottle of wine, but rest assured traveling public- it is all in the name of security. However, that unscreened palette of cargo in the hold of the airplane whose passengers have been stripped of their snow globes and toothpaste does seem to add the word 'theatre' to the end of the previous sentence.
Full Story

In fairness though, screening all cargo that goes onto an airplane would be expensive. Much more expensive than the TSA's $7B budget would allow. Perhaps that is why the TSA made a bit of extra money by overcharging the airlines for security fees. $119M extra. Considering that the TSA only stole or damaged $343k worth of passenger property in 2009, we should all count ourselves lucky that we aren't traveling under the name 'Southwest'.
Full Story

One does wonder though if that $343k value of stolen goods includes items that are stolen, but recovered. Items such as the Oxycontin pills that a screener at Little Rock National Airport decided to remove from a passengers luggage and 'conceal'. Would someone please explain to the TSA screeners that a security checkpoint is not a tollbooth? TSA theft and drugs in one story, good job LIT TSA on showing us the best of the best of the best, Arkansas style.
Full Story

Philadelphia International Airport is one of our favorites at TSAFail. Their madcap screenings of disabled 4 year olds, people with suspicious phrase books and complete misunderstanding of the point of a canine team has always brought innovation and raised the bar for TSAFails everywhere. PHL did it again in June and anecdotally stepped up their level of passenger harassment. We say anecdotally since there is no actual proof that the PHL TSA is using Caged Heat as a screener training video.
Full Story

Last but not least, won't someone please think of the children? The TSA does and made the traveling experience of one lucky 6 year old girl extra special last June, by ensuring that she was on a no-fly list. The Full Story below quotes the TSA as saying that the girl being on the no-fly list is probably a result of the 'secure flight program' coming fully online in June. Sounds good so long as you don't read the TSA's own blog on the secure flight program and to try to understand that explanation:

"...and I'm happy to announce that TSA is now performing 100% of the watchlist matching for domestic flights. (Airlines used to conduct all of the passenger watchlist matching)...Secure Flight will help prevent the misidentification of passengers who have names similar to actual people on the government watchlists..."

Full Story

That was June. John Pistole- welcome aboard!

Littlerock TSA- Procedurally Dyslexic

The LIT TSA knows what their job is. They prevent passengers from taking dangerous or prohibited items on board aircraft. Unfortunately, they just have a bit of trouble getting the order of things correct. As we learn in the Full Story below it was the Little Rock Arkansas TSA who closed the barn door once the cow left, by phoning ahead to Bush Airport in Texas and asking if the passengers on a flight departing LIT could be screened for weapons on arrival.
LIT TSA- putting the cart before the horse... putting on their shoes before their pants... putting the Fail in TSAFail.

Full Story

GAO Slams TSA's Jedi Skills

Did you know that the TSA has been running a Jedi Academy of sorts? It's called the SPOT program, which stands for Screening of Passengers by Observation Techniques. It involves highly trained TSA Jedi (known as Behavior Dectection Officers- BDOs) picking the bad guys out of a line of passengers simply by looking at them and reading subtle body language cues. Would you be surprised that the government's own watchdog division (the GAO) has just declared the program a TSAFailure?
The TSA SPOT training program that educates it's students to see the Force aura, halo, BO, or general shifty eyes of potential terrorists consists of 4 days of classroom training and 3 days of on the job training. Luke Skywalker spent more time than that with Obi Wan and Yoda and he still had his friend frozen into a wall hanging and his hand chopped off. This is not auspicious.
By comparison, the TSA SPOT program has just under 3000 BDO Jedi in place at airports that have seen total traffic of 2 billion passengers. BDOs determined that 152,000 people were a disturbance in the force. Of those, 14,000 people were turned over to the police for further review. Of those, 1100 actually had charges brought against them, mostly for immigration violations or outstanding warrants. Are you wondering about the terrorists and practitioners of the dark side that this was designed to catch? Known terrorists passed through 8 US airports 23 times with this program in place and didn't even raise an eyebrow of a BDO. Ouch TSA! There goes your hand!
Do click through to the Full Story below for fun details like the cost of this program. We have also included a link to the GAO report which is a great read itself, with true TSAFail section headings like:
-SPOT Was Deployed Nationwide on Basis of Threat, but Without a Comprehensive Risk Assessment
-TSA Deployed SPOT Nationwide Without Conducting a Cost-Benefit Analysis...
-TSA Lacks Program Effectiveness Measures...
-Do or Do Not, There is No Try
-The Force Will Be With You... Always

Full Story
Full GAO Story

TSA Starts a Shopping Club

The Norfolk International Airport TSA has started a members only shopping club. Just like Costco, there is membership card- called a security ID badge. Just like a wearing a wife beater to Walmart, there is a uniform- blue shirts and badges. And just like a big box store, the ORF TSA has a retail outlet- called the airport. Unlike any other big box shopping club though, you don't have go and retrieve your own items. Personal shoppers- called 'passengers' bring the merchandise to you. Granted most of it is crap- hairdryers, magazines, clothes not in your size, etc. But every once in a while a real gem comes by. When you belong to the Norfolk International Airport TSA shopping club and a personal shopper/passenger brings you something you want- such as a $24,000 Rolex- just take it.
As the Full Story below describes- membership has it's privileges.
No, not really. We here at TSAFail made that part up. Not the part about the ORF TSA taking a $24,000 Rolex, just the part about a shopping club. There is no club... just more theft by the TSA's best of the best of the best.
Considering that the starting salary for a TSA screener is $23,400, it is probably safe to assume that any screener wearing a $24,000 watch has joined the TSA shopping club.

Full Story

Phantom Bag Causes Sacramento Shut Down- Jenkies!

A passengers bag at the Sacramento International Airport triggered a screening alarm and was never seen again- oooo spooky. The SMF TSA looked everywhere, delayed 5 flights and basically shut down a terminal for a couple of hours looking for the phantom bag. TSA Officers Fred, Daphne and Velma went looking for the ghost bag in Terminal A. Meanwhile TSA sniffer dog team Shaggy and Scooby rescreened baggage in hopes that the dangerous suitcase specter could be found.
It wasn't. Maybe it was a false alarm... maybe it was real and made it onto a plane without being found. No one knows- oooooo spookier!
If Scooby and his gang were real and had been helping the SMF TSA find the bag, you can be sure it would have turned up. Alternately, if the TSA were a real security organization, the bag likely wouldn't have been lost in the first place.

Full Story

TSA Success... Whaaaaaat?!!?

No, TSAFail is not being broadcast from the Bizarro World. The Full Story below outlines how the TSA at Luis Muñoz Marín International in San Juan Puerto Rico actually got it right. They stopped someone with things he shouldn't have had. This was not the typical TSAFail of passengers being stopped for carrying water or honey or applesauce or play-doh or flashcards or leg braces or any one of a hundred other ridiculous things. Not this time... this time the TSA stopped dangerous things. This time, with one passenger, they caught:
-a stun gun
-a pepper spray canister
-four box cutters
-a switch blade knife
-two lighters
-a button device attached to a wire that gives a charge when pressed
-scissors
and
-three boxes of matches
Now we know what it takes to get the attention of the ever vigilant TSA screeners.

Full Story

Failback Position: Water or Bomb Parts?

It's time again for the Failback Position. This is the TSAFail feature that brings you classic fails from the past to enjoy alongside the ongoing fails of today. Think of it as a tidbit of fetid stilton to be savored with a bottomless pack of Kraft singles.
Today's Failback Position dates back to 2007 and takes place in the Albany International Airport. It was at that time that the TSA's own inspectors tested TSA field officers by trying to sneak prohibited items through airport checkpoints. See how you would fare in such a test by comparing your skills with those of the TSA. Type a, b or c in answer to the question below, which is based on a real life situation described in the Full Story...
A piece of carry-on luggage is going through a screening checkpoint and contains, amongst the usual items, a bottle of water and bomb parts. Do you:
a) confiscate the bag for containing bomb parts then alert the airport police?
b) confiscate the bag for containing bomb parts AND water then alert the airport police?
c) confiscate the water and let the bag through with the bomb parts?
Do not forget, that a TSA keyboard has only one key and it is 'c'.


Full Story

EWR TSA Security Screening like a Roach Motel for Passenger Valuables

Oh TSA HR- once again you have left the mensa debate team short a member, as you continue to hire the best of the best of the best. Today's TSA criminal is courtesy of the Newark International Airport. Stealing from little old ladies is bad enough, claiming that you 'found' the stolen goods is just plain dumb. Doing it while being recorded on video is absolutely, positively... something one would expect from the TSA.
EWR TSA screening... valuables check in... they don't check out.

Full Story

TSA- Not Hooked on Phonics

Someone needs to help the LGA TSA with their reading skills. What other reason could there be for the TSA officer in the Full Story below to not notice that a passengers name on their passport, didn't match their boarding pass?
Unless... the screener at LaGuardia was too busy watching Reading Rainbow to notice a passenger without a valid boarding pass.
Of course, this was all resolved once everyone was already on the plane.

Full Story

Bullets Got Through A Checkpoint? Don't Worry the TSA has Tivo

How to you get bullets onto an airplane? Easy, go through the Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma. In the Full Story below we learn of a passenger who accidentally did just that. The ever vigilant TSA Officers manning the x-ray machine at OKC didn't notice the clip of bullets going by on their screens. The supervisor reviewing the recorded xray images 30 minutes later, did. Three flights that the bullets might have ended up on were tracked down and searched upon landing... as this clearly wasn't a problem until the planes were back on the ground. No word if the supervisor could have found the bullets in the recorded images in 22 minutes if he fast forwarded through the commercials.

That's a lot of TSAFail, but today is a twofer. A TSA spokesperson at the end of the Full Story below reminds passengers to carefully check their bags before heading to the airport. The TSA intercepted 14 passengers who accidentally brought guns to the nations airports last week alone. Anyone care to guess how many others went through undetected?
For the TSA, preventing prohibited items from getting onto an airplane involves passengers not bringing prohibited items onto an airplane.

Full Story

TSA Full Body Package Scan Ends in Tears

Being the TSA, it also includes a hostile workplace, an assault and an arrest to complete the trifecta of fail. In the Full Story below we learn of a Miami International TSA Officer in a training class with the new advanced imaging technology systems (AIT)- also know as the full body scanner. As he is virtually strip searched in front of his colleagues, this MIA TSA Officer becomes the butt of his supervisors jokes about the size of his manhood. Does he:
1) Hang his head in embarrassment?
2) Respond about always having to check his package because it's too large for carry-on?
3) Or.... wait for the end of the day, attack the joker with a baton in the parking lot, making him beg for forgiveness on his knees.
Did you pick door number three? Can you help the TSA could figure out why their TSO's have a public image of being insecure people on a powertrip?
Don't miss the Full Story below for mugshot goodness with a TSA uniform.

Full Story

'Cause When You Work for the TSA- Free Pizza is a Perk!

Oh, TSA HR department, where do you keep finding the best of the best of the best?
Today at TSAFail, we bring you another TSA Officer doing something they will be arrested for. This time, it is a TSA Officer from the Wayne County Airport in Detroit. Good job DTW TSA, that's two staff members arrested in less than a month.
The Full Story below has a Detroit TSA Officer and her boyfriend rolling into a Mobile station to purchase (more?) alcohol. A TSA badge is flashed in lieu of payment for pizza, punches are thrown and a getaway is made. Or would be made if the TSA Officer hadn't paid for the alcohol with her credit card.
This truly has to be a new low in the TSA's 'illegal hobbies outside of work'. This makes the air marshal raping an escort look well thought out or... it makes the TSA's burger joint bandit look like Danny Ocean.

Did we mention that there is video? No? There is video.

Full Story

Is Eight Really Enough? When It's TSAFails, Yes- Yes It Is

How is the general screening process conducted by the TSA working out? According to the Full Story below- not very well. The TSA's parent organization, (Dept of Homeland Security- DHS) sent their own inspectors to 8 of the 16 airports that had, at the time of the audit, received the new advanced imaging technology systems (full body scanners are one example).
Checkpoint vulnerabilities were found at all 8.
Not terribly surprising really. Could the failures have been passengers lost on their way to secondary screening? Prohibited items missed during screening? TSA Officers who step away from their post? Sniffer dog handlers who don't know how to handle their dog? Public relations skills of TSA officers that make Rainman look well adjusted?
We'll never know what the specific fails in the report cited in the Full Story below are because they are being smartly kept secret. But they surely must read like a greatest hits version of TSAFail. The inspector generals recommendations are also being kept secret. We can only speculate that the results of this audit are:
1) smarten up
2) get your shit together
3) get your shit together
4) get your shit together
5) get your.... ... ..

Full Story

How to Spot a TSA Air Marshal...

Badge- check.
Gun- check.
Shaved genitals- ummm... check??
Raping an escort- What?!!
It's the TSA's best of the best of the best hard at work again. The mind boggles just contemplating the sort of tests the TSA actually conducts on fresh hires who are given guns and badges and put on airplanes to protect the flying public. It is clear from the Full Story below that this air marshal, staying in a hotel outside of SeaTac, had some sort of training. He claims to have known enough not to use a firearm after drinking alcohol. Although the coercion, rape and theft are all clearly ok.
The TSA has fired this particular air marshal, which obviously leaves a vacancy in the program.
No word yet on whether the TSA plans to fill the vacancy with the ShamWow spokesman.

Full Story

Failback Position: Southwest Shinobi

It's time again for a Failback Position. This is the feature where we go back into the eight quadjillion past fails of the TSA and select one at random to reflect upon. Perhaps we laugh, perhaps we cry, most likely we vomit in our mouths a bit at the ongoing pattern of failure.
Today's Failback Position comes from just before Halloween, 2003. The eagle eyed TSA screeners at the Oakland International Airport overlooked the contents of the violin case of one particular passenger. A passenger who was packing... what else... nunchuks. How do we know that said passenger boarded the flight with nunchuks (other than reading the details in the Full Story below)? He started waving them around the plane until he was tackled and restrained- of course.
Clearly, the OAK TSA can be forgiven for not spotting the weapon in the passengers luggage- they were up against a freakin' ninja! That's the whole point of ninjas... you just can't stop them!! Although, you would think that the mask, turtle shell and passport simply reading 'Michelangelo' might have been a tip off.

Full Story

Applesauce Slapfight- With Video!!!

Thursday night fun at the roadhouse? No, just the Burbank TSA.
A woman and her 93 year old mother tried to take food through the TSA checkpoint at the Bob Hope Airport. As one would expect, anyone who thinks that they are going to get a cooler of applesauce and cottage cheese past the BUR TSA, is the type of person to get themselves a bit worked up- impolitely so.
So how do the professional men and woman of the TSA deal with the situation? Talk her down? Professionally impose authority? Nope- as we can see in the Full Story below (video on the upper right of the page), by trying to snatch her cooler away while two other agents stand by watching. Eventually they get around to handcuffing and arresting her for misdemeanor battery. What other organization that deals face to face, one on one with the public on a daily basis could take an apparently stressed person and start something worthy of a elementary school playground fight.
A playground fight that ends in a trial. Expect the prosecution for the TSA to cite as precedent 'I know you are but what am I?'.

Full Story

When You Work for the TSA- It's What You Crave

If you are thinking White Castle, you are half right. If you are thinking airport screening by day and robbing White Castle by night, then award yourself a full point. Once again the crack HR department of the TSA has found the best of the best of the best to keep the traveling public safe. It isn't yet clear which airport the fast food bandit is stationed at, although DFW seems likely. After being arrested for knocking over a White Castle, a McDonalds and being a suspect in 5 other holdups, the TSA notes (in the Full Story below) that "The individual has been removed from screening passengers and property". Good to know, since his sitting in a holding cell would otherwise lead to a conspicuous absense at a security checkpoint
For extra fun, take a look at the mugshots of the suspect and his accomplices in the Full Story below and see if you can guess which one is the TSA Officer. If you picked the guy striking the gangsta pose, award yourself another point.

Full Story

Houston Hobby? Oh Come On!!

The TSA just doesn't seem to understand that a good comedy bit can be overworked. Oh sure there are classics out there- pie in the face, slipping on a banana peel or unexpected hit to the crotch. But pulling someone aside for additional screening, losing them, declaring a security breach and delaying passengers and planes has jumped the shark.
It's like a knock knock joke... told by a 6 year old... for an entire day.
This time it is the highly qualified men and women of the Houston Hobby TSA who lost their man. Other than that the story is pretty much sixth verse same as the first. Or, in this case, sixth verse same as the third, since it was only back in late February that HOU TSAFailed in the exact same way.
All of us at TSAFail are tempted to create a spin off blog just to cover this increasingly stinky joke. Unfortunately, TSAlostapersonforsecondaryscreeningandshutdownanairport-again.blogspot.com doesn't have the same cachet.
In case you missed the previous five incidents from this year that we have covered, please see: LAX,LAX, HOU,PHX, EWR. As always, the details of todays TSAFail are in the Full Story below:

Full Story

Deja Vu is the Uncanny Sense of Having Experienced Deja Vu Before

This weeks story of the TSA losing a passenger whose luggage required additional screening comes from LAX- again.
Blah Blah Blah- security breach...
Yadda Yadda Yadda- passenger and flight delays...
It has been less than a month since the last such incident at Los Angeles International and one has to wonder what TSA spokesperson Suzanne Trevino means in the Full Story below when she states "Had all of our procedures been followed this morning, we would not have had to call for a security breach.". What procedures could she be referring too that allow the same thing to happen twice in less than a month at one airport and previously at EWR, PHX, HOU since February.
A Senate Joint Economic Committee determined in 2008 that flights delayed for any reason cost $40B in 2007. That money was partly airline costs, partly extra jet fuel for idling planes, partly extra manpower... no word on whether it included the cost of all the eggs that the TSA needs to continuously apply to its own face.

Full Story

Am I More Crockett or More Tubbs?

This is the question that TSA 'Acting Administrator' must have surely been asking herself when she wrote the latest blog post on the TSA's very own blog.
Why else would the person-in-charge-by-default of an organization with a mandate from congress to search airline passengers for weapons or explosives, care about whether or not the fancy new airport scanners can detect 'small packages of powder-based drugs...smaller than a thumb print'?
The appeal of the Miami Vice lifestyle must be so overpowering to Acting Administrator Gale Rossides, that she is willing to ignore previous federal judges decisions. These decisions threw out cases based on the TSA overstepping their bounds by using their searches to uncover criminal acts.

Is it the 80s style clothes? The cars? The fancy speedboats? Or is it that Ms. Rossides is in charge of running, overseeing and providing guidance to an organization that she doesn't fully understand the mandate of?

Full Story

Failback Position: It's Dangerous 'Cause We Say So.

Things have been a little quiet recently at TSAFail. Too quiet. To hold you over until the fresh fails start rolling in like dirty socks after a marathon... here's a Failback Position- a classic fail from the past.

We all know that there are some things that you can't take through TSA screening... fireworks, compressed gas, snowglobes, a container with more than 3.6oz of liquid, or a mostly empty container of liquid with labeling that says it once held more than 3.6oz of liquid, etc. The guidelines are clearly laid out on the TSA's website. Boomerangs aren't on the list. According to the the fine TSA folks working the line at Bradley International in CT- boomerangs should be on the list. Apparently it is up to the discretion of the TSA officer what does and doesn't constitute a danger on board an airplane.
Perhaps the BDL TSA Officer felt that a boomerang on it's own isn't a danger, but that a boomerang in the hands of a competitive boomerang champion, if wielded in the cramped quarters of an airline cabin could be.
At TSAFail we wonder if the Python classic 'self defense against fresh fruit' isn't part of the training regimen.

Full Story

TSA Demonstrates What Will Happen if they Ever Catch Up With Dora the Explorer

In the Full Story below, we see video of how the Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport TSA brings the adult size fail to a whole new generation of child travelers. Glad to hear that James Marchand, TSA Regional Director, thinks that the CHA TSA team could use some sensitivity training. Surely by 'sensitivity', he actually meant 'common sense'.
Even though Mr. Roger's had no problem taking his shoes off... it is now clear to see why he preferred traveling by trolley.

Full Story

TSA- Now With Less Baggage Theft

That's right- 50% less baggage theft over the last 5 years. That's huge! According to the Full Story below, the traveling public only accused the TSA of stealing or damaging items 11,700 times in 2009. Considering that 600,000,000 people flew in 2009, 11,700 thefts is almost nothing.
Why, that would be the same amount of nothing as North American automakers stealing or damaging 134 cars as they came off the assembly line... it's hardly noticeable. Or, it would be like US Mint workers walking out the door with $5800 a year... a mere pittance. It would also be comparable to McDonalds workers mugging 1170 of their customers while they wait in line- each day. Who could be bothered by that?

Full Story

Has It Really Been Three Weeks Without a Security Breach?

Avid readers of TSAFail may remember the string of security breaches at the end of February caused by the TSA losing a passenger selected for secondary screening. First there was EWR, followed by PHX, then HOU had to join the club. We also threw in a blast from the past with DFW covering the Failback Position and reminding us how the TSA would lose flagged passengers- 2003 style.
Well, it happened again. This time it's the LAX TSA in the Full Story below selecting a passenger for additional screening and losing them along the way.
Why oh why does this keep happening? How can so many people keep showing up at airports, require more than average scrutiny and then just go missing like potentially dangerous versions of milk carton kids? If only there was a band of people who could prevent this sort of thing. Maybe an organization, with a team stationed in every airport who could ensure that... oh wait.
Nevermind.

Full Story

TSA Secretly Hates the TSA

Or at least at the Tampa International Airport they do. The Full Story below describes managers threatening staff with federal treason charges for talking to the media, TSA officers describing the TPA airport security system as 3 card monte and it wouldn't be a TSAFail story without hundreds of bags flagged for hand screening that get loaded onto airplanes without any additional screening- daily. The whole situation at Tampa International sounds a bit like Captain Bligh in charge of the 3 Stooges. In other words, business as usual.
For extra fun, do read the Full Story through to the end. It is in the last paragraph that the questionable writing style drops into full bizarro world speak.

Full Story

Fargo TSA- Always on Red Alert

At TSAFail, we have previously noted how the TSA Staff at Hector Internation Airport in Fargo could use a little less coffee in their life. But, in the Full Story below you can almost taste the caffeine in the air- mixed with the bitter disappointment of the FAR TSA for not having a real threat to deal with. The noticing of a passenger arriving, with his family and going back through an exit he just came out of, is enough to draw the attention of any TSA agent (assuming they aren't sleeping). But it takes the hyper vigilant Fargo TSA officers to start shouting 'breach' and closing down the screening area. On the plus side, it only delayed two flights. On the negative side, Hector International only has 16 departures on their busiest day. Not content with merely apprehending the errant passenger in the bathroom, the countries most tightly wound TSA officers on duty at the countries 145 busiest airport had to start inspecting the underside of their screening equipment with mirrors- just to be sure of... of... ummmmm... something.
Attention Hector International TSA... put down the mugs and step away from the coffee pot.

Full Story

Chicago TSA Agents Have a Problem With Boning

The Chicago O'Hare TSA officers don't like boning. Specifically the boning of Raquel Welch.... that would be the boning in her bustier... you know the supporting bit.... the part that makes a metal detector beep.
Oh, nevermind.
Just read the Full Story below and chuckle like whichever half of comedy duo Beavis and Butthead that you always wished you were.
Feel free to weep a bit too for a security system so inflexible and devoid of common sense, that the ORD TSA officers need to pat down a former movie star, just because their playbook says so.

Full Story

Failback Position: Because if Something is Missing...

It just proves that your luggage was inspected by the TSA.
Today's Failback Position takes us back to late November 2004. The dismissal of the theft issue by TSA spokesman Mark Hatfield in the Full Story below, is especially fun. 15000 claims of theft from a government run security agency is small? At the time, an average of 10 thefts per airport per year- small.

Full Story

We Have Top Men Working On It...

-Who?
-Top... Men
Those were the words of the government spooks at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark in answer to Indiana Jones' question as to what will become of the ark. As we all know, the next scene was the ark rolling into a infinitely large warehouse. No top men... no one working on anything. Of course this is a rather stereotypical characture of government secrecy covering something truly ineffectual.
Cue the TSA. If there is an organization that can take a characture and turn it into a full blown cartoon it would be the TSA.
Click through the Full Story below to read how Gale Rossides, the TSA's acting administrator acts out her best version of the classic Indiana Jones' finale.

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With Apologies to the Dogs...

Does everyone remember the Philadelphia International TSA dog teams that failed their certification last month? Turns out it wasn't the dogs. It was the handlers. Lassie, Odie, Checkers and Old Yellar all state 'I told you so'.
The part of the Full Story below that elevates this from a mere fail to a TSAFail, is the last two paragraphs- describing that the PHL TSA handler treated the dog like a pet and didn't know where to lead the dog. Which just begs the question... if you are a TSA Officer working as the dumb half of a dog/person sniffer team, at an airport, with luggage... where are you leading the dog if not to the luggage?
Lassie suggests the old mill.
Odie recommends the lasagna factory.
Checkers asks for the oval office
Old Yellar begs for anywhere except behind the shed.

Full Story

Failback Position: DFW Shows that Lemmings Have Been Around A Long Time

It's time again to go back for seconds from the endless buffet of TSA failures that we here at TSAFail call the Failback Position. Today's morsel comes, once again, from 2003- this time courtesy of the fine TSA Officers at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport. The flavor should be familiar to anyone who has read the last three posts. Screener flags passenger for secondary screening... screener loses passenger... terminal evacuated. It's just like boy meets girl, boy loses girl- except with thousands inconvenienced.
The DFW TSA screeners in the Full Story below, were clearly on the cutting edge of a trend that has continued strong to this day. It turns out that nationwide between 2002 and 2004, this particular fail occurred over 30 times. At what point does the pile of lemmings at the bottom of the cliff cushion the fall of those above?

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Houston TSA Proves that Lemmings Travel in Groups of 3

It has been 7 days and 3 secondary security breaches resulting in a closed airport terminal. This time it's the Houston Hobby TSA team trying to keep up the average and losing their man in the process. Good job ladies and gentlemen at HOU. Here at TSAFail, we know that it requires diligent teamwork between screeners and secondary screeners to let 3 people slip by in a week. That kind of coordinated effort surely can't come without some serious training and well laid out policies and procedures coming straight from the chief of the organization himself. All of this is even more impressive when one considers that the TSA hasn't had a chief for over a year.
Here at TSAFail, we believe that the TSA won't rest in their mission until they are losing flagged passengers and shutting down airports daily.

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Phoenix Plays Second Lemming to Newark's Lead

Two in a week... how many before this can be considered a trend, a style, an MO? Not content to let the TSA officers at Newark International have all the fun losing a passenger between primary and secondary screening, the PHX TSA team decides to give it a try too. This is more or less equivalent to a first base coach not noticing that the batter has run into the dugout instead of heading for first. The Phoenix Sky Harbor TSA team differ from Newark in that they found their misplaced passenger, but they can surely share the same sense of fail.

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The Difference Between Newark TSA and a Sommelier...

A sommelier never loses track of a bottle of wine.
The crack TSA team at EWR come through again. What appears to be wine bottles requires secondary screening, but only if the unescorted passenger goes to the screening themselves. Otherwise the TSA loses track of the passenger,the wine and shuts down part of the airport for a while. One has to figure that instead of a security alarm, the Newark International TSA team just plays Yakety-Sax over the PA system.

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Dirty Bomb? Nah.... Just Clean Hands

The TSA is taking the show on the road and this time they have declared war on fancy soap. Specifically, the TSA's explosive detection machines are at the center of this. These are the pieces of hardware located in the security lines that a TSA officer feeds a piece of paper into, that has just been wiped over the luggage of randomly selected passengers. The machine sniffs the paper looking for trace elements of explosives, or the components of explosives. The TSA will now be putting this hardware on carts and roaming the airport with them. Random tests of people will be conducted at random locations within the airport. Boarding gates, concourses, waiting areas are all possible screening locations- although one can likely expect a higher incident of screenings around the Sbarro or Cinnabon.
So where is the fail?
Fancy soap is made with glycerin. Explosives are also made with glycerin. Not many people wash their luggage with fancy soap. Many people do wash their hands with fancy soap.
The TSA is now about to go roaming airports, testing peoples hands for explosives and/or soap.
That is a clean, delicately scented, moisturizing fail.

Full Story

New Feature: Failback Position

The TSA provides endless amounts of fail to keep us all entertained- and by entertained we mean horrified, confused, outraged, befuddled agog, etc. (although never surprised). But sometimes one fail a week just doesn't feel like enough. That's why TSAFail will now bring you the Failback Position- a collection of great TSA failures from the past, to help you get your fill of fail.
Think of it as a blooper reel for an organization that knows no other kind of film.

Todays Failback Position comes from January 2003 and provides a bridge between the past and the present, a way to see that the world of 2003 is not so different from the world of today. In other words, 7 years on... same fails. In this case, a TSA officer asleep at his post, leaving the exit lane of SeaTac occupied but unguarded. On a quaint note, the article does state that this is the first TSA officer to be fired for sleeping on the job.

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Philadelphia TSA Keeping the Skies Safe From Disabled 4 Year Old

This is a fail that comes from being completely unencumbered by common sense, which will likely get the Philadelphia TSA thrashed by Jerry Lewis the next time he is in town. The Philadelphia TSA not only has the backflip of fail in the event itself, but they add in a half twist of additional fail by suggesting in the apology to the family, that the child in leg braces should have been sent to a private screening area to test for explosives. Truly a gymnastic TSAFail.

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Philadelphia TSA Keeping the Skies Safe From Words

Does locking someone up for carrying Arabic language flashcards count as profiling? Hard to say, but it certainly counts as fail. From now on, Berlitz and Rosetta Stone will be releasing their Arabic language learning systems in TSA friendly 3oz sizes, with the Arabic sections written in Tagalog.

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Fargo TSA Hires Jack Bauer

Either that or someone needs to unplug the coffee pot at Hector International. Mistaking a power converter for a bomb is fail enough. Honey, Play-Doh, luggage, iPod chargers, toys and cookies are just some of the things that the TSA has previously mistaken as threats. So then, why not be all jittery and call in the bomb squad over a power converter in the equipment of a photographer? But the paranoid fail in this story is the statement from Fargo's senior TSA official (at the end of the Full Story).

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From Within It's Glass House, the TSA Can't Stop Itself from Throwing Stones

So what keeps the TSA officers at the nations 276th busiest airport busy all day? Obviously there is keeping the country safe by screening all 126 daily passengers that pass through Plattsburgh International. Perhaps there is also high-fiving each other over the fact that they screen 9 more passengers per day than the Pago Pago International Airport. Still got time? How about reporting on how other members of the airport staff are lax in following the same rigorous security standards that the TSA holds itself to. For example, making sure their security badges haven't flipped over in the wind. Day not over yet? Why not write up $260k in fines? Now that is a full day of fail.

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Orlando Cincinnati Air Marshals- The Classy Division of the TSA

Not wanting to be outdone by Orlando, the TSA's Cincinnati Federal Air Marshal program calls the discrimination and raises some bribery and threats.
Ron Burgundy folds, leaves the guys in the white hoods to play out the hand.

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Orlando Air Marshals- The Classy Division of the TSA

The Federal Air Marshall program is under the aegis of the TSA, so you can be sure that the undercover people riding on your plane with a gun are the best of the best of the best.
Or you might just get a more unpleasant version of Ron Burgundy who enjoys belittling his co-workers.

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You Don't Need to See My Identification...

Either the TSA can't tell the difference between a law enforcement agent and someone impersonating one, or the TSA just fell for an old jedi mind trick.
There is a lesson in this for the flying public. If you are traveling with the Village People, you will have a much easier time navigating a TSA checkpoint if you are dressed as the cop.

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TSA- T.welve year old S.exually A.bused

Another example of the TSA hiring the best of the best of the best. The TSA's job is to screen people to ensure they aren't a threat- period. It has to be counted as a fail when their crack HR screening process hires a child molester.
Here's a clue- he's 57 and has a MySpace page. Yeah, no additional followup needed there.

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'No Fly? No Problem!' Motto Officially Put into Service

At TSAFail, we said it before and we'll say it again. If they let the bad guy onto the plane, they at least know where he is for a few hours.
The part of the full story below, about 'mistaken identity' is a bit of a misnomer. Since the no-fly lists contain only names right now, anyone with a matching name is a potential suspect. The identity is correct- the abject lack of useful information on the no-fly list is the mistaken part. They are a suspect until someone does further screening and somehow determines that the name on the list is not the person standing in front of them. Or the person who was just given a boarding pass. Or the person who was cleared through security. Or the person who is stowing their items in the overhead and settling into their seat. Or the person whose plane is three hours into it's flight out of the country.

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TSA 'Sniffer Dog' Demoted to 'Dog'

The TSA's best in show is now apparently best for show. Sniffer dogs that have failed twice are now to be used as visual deterrents.
Deterrent to what? Traveling with cats?

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It's Only a Trade if Both Parties Know About It.

A laptop for a screening wand? That's like turning down the cash Monty Hall offered you and ending up with a goat. It is harder to tell what is the larger fail here. Is it the theft by TSA Officers, or is it TSA Officers who are so bumbling that they leave their own equipment at the scene of the crime?
It is good to see that the TSA has their mommy put their logo on their toys though- just in case they lose them again.

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With Diligent Work, the TSA Now Catches...

some zzzzzz's.
One would think that the person in charge of an organization plagued with the image problems like those of the TSA, would not allow something like this.
Oh right- no one is currently in charge of the TSA.

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You Just got Punk'd by the TSA

No word if the role of joking TSA agent was played by Ashton Kutcher.
The good news is that the agent in question was there to train other officers.
Hopefully, after more 'training' the traveling public can look forward to closeup magic and juggling in addition to the candid camera humor.

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TSA Sniffer Dogs- Best in Show

Tigers would make a better visual deterrent. No word on whether the TSA is issuing sequined uniforms to Siegfried and Roy.

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If it Needs a Reaction- The TSA is There to Overreact

Or why the TSA can't trust it's own screening...
One only has to read the story below to know there is a fail in it. But what fail could that be? What the story doesn't state and what is misleadingly stated in the TSA quote in the third paragraph, is that the door led to a sterile area- from a sterile area.
That's right. JFK's terminal 8 Admiral's Lounge is in the secure area of the airport- on the other side of the TSA's screening area.
For the TSA, the best way to deal with someone who has gone through the wrong door after being screened and assumed to be safe, is obviously to evacuate a terminal and double check everyone they have already screened- just in case they missed something.

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TSA Inspects Passenger- Leaves the Gun

No information on whether TSA takes the cannoli.

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New TSA Slogan- No Fly List? No Problem.

The TSA has to deal with a lot of people on no fly lists. But if they let them onto the airplane... at least they know where they are for a few hours.

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TSA Drug Trifecta

3 TSA drug related stories in under a week. Cheech thinks its time to slow down. Chong at TSA recruitment center and unavailable for comment.

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So Long as They Got His Toothpaste

TSA now requires passengers to self screen themselves for explosives.

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TSA- T.oo S.hort an A.nswer

Clearing a terminal, rescreening thousands, 6 hour delays, international disruption of flights- one sentence should cover it. Hopefully the Port Authority Police got a version on nice stationary.

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TSA Does Half the Job

Maybe 25% since they did actually let the supposedly suspicious person on the plane. Passengers still left holding 100% of the bag.

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Two Positives Make A Negative

Time to clean the scanner.

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TSA- T.aking S.ubstances A.ll the Time

Two days and two in a row. Chances that a TSA agent has been high more than you? The magic 8 ball says 'signs point to yes'.

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Hiring the Best of the Best of the Best

TSA now officially afraid of the TSA.

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If It's Under 3 Ounces, Is It Still OK?

On the plus side, he could still recite the company's mission statement.

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No One Really Knows How to Program Their VCR...

...or use a phone book, or 411, or perhaps how to ask one of the 100s of Continental reps in the 2nd busiest Continental hub for help.

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20 Layers of Fail

Since they seem to be doing all the work, isn't it time to promote 'passengers' to the front of this chart?

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TSA- Keeping America Safe From the Wind

When you are the 104th busiest airport in the nation, and you can't reach the ghostbusters- who you gonna call?

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Luggage Scare Caused By- Luggage.

Apparently, no one explained the procedures to the dog.

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The Sweet Smell of Security

Imagine if he had brought the bees.

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Play-D'OH!!

Modeling clay in the hands of a Louisiana family- who knows what could happen?

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TSA closes barn door once the cow leaves

MOOO!

Newark TSA guard stepped out for a phone call- can you hear me now?

A phone call? And there is only one guy watching the exit?

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