Phantom Bag Causes Sacramento Shut Down- Jenkies!

A passengers bag at the Sacramento International Airport triggered a screening alarm and was never seen again- oooo spooky. The SMF TSA looked everywhere, delayed 5 flights and basically shut down a terminal for a couple of hours looking for the phantom bag. TSA Officers Fred, Daphne and Velma went looking for the ghost bag in Terminal A. Meanwhile TSA sniffer dog team Shaggy and Scooby rescreened baggage in hopes that the dangerous suitcase specter could be found.
It wasn't. Maybe it was a false alarm... maybe it was real and made it onto a plane without being found. No one knows- oooooo spookier!
If Scooby and his gang were real and had been helping the SMF TSA find the bag, you can be sure it would have turned up. Alternately, if the TSA were a real security organization, the bag likely wouldn't have been lost in the first place.

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TSA Success... Whaaaaaat?!!?

No, TSAFail is not being broadcast from the Bizarro World. The Full Story below outlines how the TSA at Luis Muñoz Marín International in San Juan Puerto Rico actually got it right. They stopped someone with things he shouldn't have had. This was not the typical TSAFail of passengers being stopped for carrying water or honey or applesauce or play-doh or flashcards or leg braces or any one of a hundred other ridiculous things. Not this time... this time the TSA stopped dangerous things. This time, with one passenger, they caught:
-a stun gun
-a pepper spray canister
-four box cutters
-a switch blade knife
-two lighters
-a button device attached to a wire that gives a charge when pressed
-scissors
and
-three boxes of matches
Now we know what it takes to get the attention of the ever vigilant TSA screeners.

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Failback Position: Water or Bomb Parts?

It's time again for the Failback Position. This is the TSAFail feature that brings you classic fails from the past to enjoy alongside the ongoing fails of today. Think of it as a tidbit of fetid stilton to be savored with a bottomless pack of Kraft singles.
Today's Failback Position dates back to 2007 and takes place in the Albany International Airport. It was at that time that the TSA's own inspectors tested TSA field officers by trying to sneak prohibited items through airport checkpoints. See how you would fare in such a test by comparing your skills with those of the TSA. Type a, b or c in answer to the question below, which is based on a real life situation described in the Full Story...
A piece of carry-on luggage is going through a screening checkpoint and contains, amongst the usual items, a bottle of water and bomb parts. Do you:
a) confiscate the bag for containing bomb parts then alert the airport police?
b) confiscate the bag for containing bomb parts AND water then alert the airport police?
c) confiscate the water and let the bag through with the bomb parts?
Do not forget, that a TSA keyboard has only one key and it is 'c'.


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EWR TSA Security Screening like a Roach Motel for Passenger Valuables

Oh TSA HR- once again you have left the mensa debate team short a member, as you continue to hire the best of the best of the best. Today's TSA criminal is courtesy of the Newark International Airport. Stealing from little old ladies is bad enough, claiming that you 'found' the stolen goods is just plain dumb. Doing it while being recorded on video is absolutely, positively... something one would expect from the TSA.
EWR TSA screening... valuables check in... they don't check out.

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TSA- Not Hooked on Phonics

Someone needs to help the LGA TSA with their reading skills. What other reason could there be for the TSA officer in the Full Story below to not notice that a passengers name on their passport, didn't match their boarding pass?
Unless... the screener at LaGuardia was too busy watching Reading Rainbow to notice a passenger without a valid boarding pass.
Of course, this was all resolved once everyone was already on the plane.

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Bullets Got Through A Checkpoint? Don't Worry the TSA has Tivo

How to you get bullets onto an airplane? Easy, go through the Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma. In the Full Story below we learn of a passenger who accidentally did just that. The ever vigilant TSA Officers manning the x-ray machine at OKC didn't notice the clip of bullets going by on their screens. The supervisor reviewing the recorded xray images 30 minutes later, did. Three flights that the bullets might have ended up on were tracked down and searched upon landing... as this clearly wasn't a problem until the planes were back on the ground. No word if the supervisor could have found the bullets in the recorded images in 22 minutes if he fast forwarded through the commercials.

That's a lot of TSAFail, but today is a twofer. A TSA spokesperson at the end of the Full Story below reminds passengers to carefully check their bags before heading to the airport. The TSA intercepted 14 passengers who accidentally brought guns to the nations airports last week alone. Anyone care to guess how many others went through undetected?
For the TSA, preventing prohibited items from getting onto an airplane involves passengers not bringing prohibited items onto an airplane.

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TSA Full Body Package Scan Ends in Tears

Being the TSA, it also includes a hostile workplace, an assault and an arrest to complete the trifecta of fail. In the Full Story below we learn of a Miami International TSA Officer in a training class with the new advanced imaging technology systems (AIT)- also know as the full body scanner. As he is virtually strip searched in front of his colleagues, this MIA TSA Officer becomes the butt of his supervisors jokes about the size of his manhood. Does he:
1) Hang his head in embarrassment?
2) Respond about always having to check his package because it's too large for carry-on?
3) Or.... wait for the end of the day, attack the joker with a baton in the parking lot, making him beg for forgiveness on his knees.
Did you pick door number three? Can you help the TSA could figure out why their TSO's have a public image of being insecure people on a powertrip?
Don't miss the Full Story below for mugshot goodness with a TSA uniform.

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'Cause When You Work for the TSA- Free Pizza is a Perk!

Oh, TSA HR department, where do you keep finding the best of the best of the best?
Today at TSAFail, we bring you another TSA Officer doing something they will be arrested for. This time, it is a TSA Officer from the Wayne County Airport in Detroit. Good job DTW TSA, that's two staff members arrested in less than a month.
The Full Story below has a Detroit TSA Officer and her boyfriend rolling into a Mobile station to purchase (more?) alcohol. A TSA badge is flashed in lieu of payment for pizza, punches are thrown and a getaway is made. Or would be made if the TSA Officer hadn't paid for the alcohol with her credit card.
This truly has to be a new low in the TSA's 'illegal hobbies outside of work'. This makes the air marshal raping an escort look well thought out or... it makes the TSA's burger joint bandit look like Danny Ocean.

Did we mention that there is video? No? There is video.

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Is Eight Really Enough? When It's TSAFails, Yes- Yes It Is

How is the general screening process conducted by the TSA working out? According to the Full Story below- not very well. The TSA's parent organization, (Dept of Homeland Security- DHS) sent their own inspectors to 8 of the 16 airports that had, at the time of the audit, received the new advanced imaging technology systems (full body scanners are one example).
Checkpoint vulnerabilities were found at all 8.
Not terribly surprising really. Could the failures have been passengers lost on their way to secondary screening? Prohibited items missed during screening? TSA Officers who step away from their post? Sniffer dog handlers who don't know how to handle their dog? Public relations skills of TSA officers that make Rainman look well adjusted?
We'll never know what the specific fails in the report cited in the Full Story below are because they are being smartly kept secret. But they surely must read like a greatest hits version of TSAFail. The inspector generals recommendations are also being kept secret. We can only speculate that the results of this audit are:
1) smarten up
2) get your shit together
3) get your shit together
4) get your shit together
5) get your.... ... ..

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How to Spot a TSA Air Marshal...

Badge- check.
Gun- check.
Shaved genitals- ummm... check??
Raping an escort- What?!!
It's the TSA's best of the best of the best hard at work again. The mind boggles just contemplating the sort of tests the TSA actually conducts on fresh hires who are given guns and badges and put on airplanes to protect the flying public. It is clear from the Full Story below that this air marshal, staying in a hotel outside of SeaTac, had some sort of training. He claims to have known enough not to use a firearm after drinking alcohol. Although the coercion, rape and theft are all clearly ok.
The TSA has fired this particular air marshal, which obviously leaves a vacancy in the program.
No word yet on whether the TSA plans to fill the vacancy with the ShamWow spokesman.

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